From the House of Lords via Tom Hamilton comes this masterful example of Seinfeld-ian elegance related to nothing... unless of course you're as fascinated with "gum turds" as these unelected octogenarians appear to be:

Lord Selsdon: Is the Minister aware of the results of my research, undertaken in preparation for this Question, into the lifecycle of the chewing gum? As he knows, it starts life in a wrapper, with a nice notice on the outside: "Please use this wrapper prior to disposal". It then enters the mouth, where it is mixed with saliva, often with respiratory pathogens and occasionally with blood, if you have recently been to a dentist for teeth cleaning. It is masticated and then given its exit in the form of excrement. This excrement is either spat on to the pavement or disposed of in other ways and carries with it certain dangers. As it hits the pavement, it is commonly or colloquially known as a "gum turd". This gum turd may retain viruses and bacteria for as long as it is wet. Then it becomes a "flat", and then it is cleaned up at a cost of maybe 50p per piece or less if there is a major discount for 30 pieces per square metre.

Will the Minister confirm that there is no possibility of people catching a contagious disease from a gum turd, a flat or a stain? Is he aware that underneath us now, in the House of Lords entrance chamber, there are three pieces of gum? Would he inspect them tonight, to make sure that the evidence is not withdrawn?

Let this then be a lesson to all who find themselves challenged to create a discourse around the irrelevant and the mundane, that it is, in fact, as much about how you deliver your message as it is about the content and context behind it (or lack thereof).

How wonderful would it be if all spokespeople could combine eloquence, long-windedness and wit in equal parts?  Perhaps hansard should become required reading in the C-Suite.

Update: I should note that this post was not, of course, intended to minimize the increasing environmental impact of discarded 'gum turds' which is the focus of this exchange - rather the manner in which this topic was discussed.