Archive for the ‘Other Stuff’ Category

A picture is worth 1000 words… or 200 calories

posted by Brendan Hodgson

For those of us who have undertaken that yearly rite to trim a bit off the middle, I bring you this (via boing boing)…

Indeed, when one looks at the difference between 1400 grams of celery and a tot of Bailey’s… I go back to a memorable quote by P.G. Wodehouse: “Alcohol is a misunderstood vitamin.”

Five things…

posted by Brendan Hodgson

you never knew, or you might have guessed but weren’t entirely sure… or at least hoped either was or was not the case, and were simply afraid to ask… in any event, Bob sent the latest meme missile in my direction, so here goes with the self-flagellation:

  1. I am (or was, since I haven’t written in nearly a year) a part-time poet… and you didn’t even know it. Criticism accepted though not welcomed as that was a few years ago. I’m hoping I’m better now.
  2. I nearly joined the British Army… but a long, and rather drunken discussion with an ex-Foreign Legionnaire persuaded me otherwise… as did the rather unbecoming environs of Aldershot.
  3. I cycled from Scotland to Tunisia during one summer (not the whole way, actually, as I took a ferry from Marseilles to Tunis, but you get what I’m saying).
  4. The real reason I wrote my last post was because a friend challenged me to use a specific word… although, in the end, I think I’m right about what I said, and it was an interesting – even challenging – exercise (a flashback to my j-school days when we’d challenge each other to fit a word into our stories). And don’t worry, I don’t do that often.
  5. I’d never seen the movie ET until about two weeks ago… and I’m not sure the wait was worth it.

 I guess I’m supposed to hit up some others… so I’ll think about it, and update this later (if ever, since I’m no big fan of chain letters and pretty much everyone I know seems to have gotten one)…

Update: I just noticed that Michael over at the Client Side, also tagged me on this… cheers.

A Bad Banana with a Greasy Black Peel…

posted by Brendan Hodgson

The holiday season is upon us. And what better way to celebrate than with a song – nay an anthem for the modern man – a hymn to all that is traditional and wonderful and which, without, would make my Christmas just a little bit less of the celebration that it is.

And despite the overblown sacrilege born of Ron Howard and mangled by Jim Carrey, I bring you the “Disgruntled Bloggers Ode” as written by Dr. Seuss:

You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch.
You really are a heel.
You’re as cuddly as a cactus,
You’re as charming as an eel.
Mr. Grinch.

You’re a bad banana
With a greasy black peel.

You’re a monster, Mr. Grinch.
Your heart’s an empty hole.
Your brain is full of spiders,
You’ve got garlic in your soul.
Mr. Grinch.

I wouldn’t touch you, with a
thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole.

You’re a vile one, Mr. Grinch.
You have termites in your smile.
You have all the tender sweetness
Of a seasick crocodile.
Mr. Grinch.

Given the choice between the two of you
I’d take the seasick crocodile.

You’re a foul one, Mr. Grinch.
You’re a nasty, wasty skunk.
Your heart is full of unwashed socks
Your soul is full of gunk.
Mr. Grinch.

The three words that best describe you,
are, and I quote: “Stink. Stank. Stunk.”

You’re a rotter, Mr. Grinch.
You’re the king of sinful sots.
Your heart’s a dead tomato splot
With moldy purple spots,
Mr. Grinch.

Your soul is an apalling dump heap overflowing
with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable
rubbish imaginable,
Mangled up in tangled up knots.

You nauseate me, Mr. Grinch.
With a nauseaus super-naus.
You’re a crooked jerky jockey
And you drive a crooked horse.
Mr. Grinch.

You’re a three decker sauerkraut and toadstool
sandwich
With arsenic sauce.

Copyright © 1957, Dr. Seuss.