Hill+Knowlton Strategies

We’re getting ever closer to the end Apprentice fans. Just six candidates/entreprenurial elites/useless shouty people remain in the fight to be Al Sugar’s next executive note taker, and the competition is really hotting up. Personally, I was sad to see Zoe get the boot this week as I admired her no-nonsense, northern style. Then again, I was sad when Alex Epstein left last year, so I’ll say no more.

This week happily sees the return of our own Apprentice critic Marie to provide her take on the episode’s events. Over to you Marie…

Biscuits - the new popcorn. Er, no Melody (image from Telegraph.co.uk)

Is anyone else not convinced by Helen? Now surely on the fast track to victory; what is it about her? I just don’t get it. Maybe she is badly (or from her point of view, superbly) edited to show some of her snappy decisions, her non-BS pitching technique and – ta-da – her making a million for Daddy. The most I can say about her is that she is not an idiot but I suppose in the land of idiots, the non-idiot is king.

Speaking of idiots… Melody. I told you she would be one to watch (with your hands over your eyes and between your fingers). For me, her skill is having such conviction in her idiocy. ‘Biscuits are the new popcorn’ she endeavoured to convince anyone who would listen but mainly 10 people in Wales; who clearly thought she was mad and she later, branded as idiots. Say what you like about the Welsh but they do know a thing or two about sweet sundries and I’m with them; biscuits will never be the new popcorn!

However, what I did hold some truck with was Tom’s notion of biscuits being lifesavers. I often find myself yearning for an ‘emergency biscuit’, especially after a particularly tedious conference call. I guess delivery is the drawback of this idea. By their very nature, emergencies tend to be unplanned and so I’m not quite sure I would have time to pop to Sainsbos before my next meeting to relieve my pain. Perhaps we could have an emergency biscuit dispenser installed next to the first aid kit? Mark my words though, Tom is still in there for a reason, I think he is Sugar’s secret crush of 2011.

Suzie, for once didn’t say much; an inspired move for her at this stage in the game I think. Perhaps she isn’t such an idiot after all. Jimbo was as creepy as ever; his charm and hypnotic stare seriously freak me out but I can see how it works – he really has the ‘Ok, I give in!’ factor. It obviously had this effect on the buyers of ASDA who went on to purchase a shed load of what could only be described as ‘childhood obesity in a box’ biscuits. Done well at school little Johnny? Have a star biscuit – anytime (well, after 3:30pm) – and a heart attack at 40!

And so to our loser. Zoe. Or as I like to call her; ‘The Drone‘. Her dulcet tones would certainly drive me to the emergency biscuit tin. Even if she isn’t a total idiot she had the right vocal pitch for sounding like one. And no, I’m not being Northern-ist either. It just made my ears bleed and my heart sink. Have to hand it to her though, intonation or no intonation, she was pretty good at tearing a strip off her fellow team mates. I’m from Glasgow and so not easily spooked by aggression but I still wouldn’t want to go head-to-head with her.

Who’s left then? Ah Natasha. Yeah? I don’t think she is going to win yeah? She is really very mediocre yeah? She has an annoying habit of talking to you like you are an idiot yeah? Even though she is the idiot yeah?