Hill+Knowlton Strategies

Week two (and episode three, which is going to make things very confusing) and it was the return of the ever popular ‘run around London buying stuff cheap’ task. Personally, the year they did it in Morocco with Mr Sophocles was the funniest one for me, but this week’s effort didn’t disappoint. What’s a cloche? No, me neither.

First up, a summary of the downfall of GavLar by my colleague, Marie:

The Savoy - Full of tea bought at £900 a kilo

I think we all knew that Gavin Winstanley’s fate was sealed when very early on in the piece he came away with that catchphrase synonymous with all Liverpudlian peace-making males; ‘Calm down, calm down’.  Unlike David Cameron’s recent PMQs gaff (if we are to believe his spin doctors), this seemed to be a genuine reversion to stereotype rather than anything vaguely ironic. Come to think of it where was Gavin last week when ‘Slangatang’ so badly needed him?

But to be fair being Liverpudlian alone was not enough to lose him the task, put him in the boardroom, and ultimately expose him to Lord Sugar’s sausage-shaped index finger. The fact was that he just wasn’t up to it. Even Vincent Disneur, a weird Errol Flynn-ferret cross breed, lady-killer, managed to appear more effective than ‘ah kid’ Gavin.

Gavin Winstanley - Back to running his opticle empire in Liverpool

However, I also suspect that our Lord had rumbled not only Gavin’s incompetence but also the fact that he seemed to using The Apprentice as some sort of subliminal QVC channel to boost sales for his online spectacles business. How many pairs of glasses does one man need?! I guess he might have hoped that by channelling his inner Clark Kent he might have fooled us into thinking he was intelligent. Alas not.

And now for a few choice awards. Next week, Apprentice diehard Joey returns with her thoughts:

Death of the Savoy: So one of the world’s best-known, most luxurious hotels needs a few ‘last minute items’ before it reopens. And you as hotel manager trust “16 of Britain’s Entreprenurial Elite”? No, thought not. Wonder just how big the cheque was…

Petulant child of the series: Also known as the Laura award, this year it’s Suzi/Susan/the whiny one (delete as appropriate). Yes, she organised the team well, but I guarantee before the series is halfway we’ll see her have a proper little strop and a sob on Nick’s burly shoulder.

Question of the week: From the ever-so-slightly-annoying-but-hopefully-he’ll-be-there-for-a-while-because-of-it Vincent came this corker, “Can you tell me anywhere in London that sells fillet steak?”. I would Vincent, but you’d probably need the whole of the Googleplex to cope with the sheer volume of answers to that question.

A cloche - not gardening kit, not an exotic horse, just something to keep your tatties warm

Things to revise before the Apprentice: London people. L.O.N.D.O.N. Each year sees at least one team look utterly bewildered by the streets of our nation’s capital. Next year’s hopefuls, whip out your A-Z now.

Quote of the week: A clear winner for me. One luckless App bleating to a shopkeeper about their desperate need for their product at a cheap price because “we have a big client who needs it”. The reply? “What difference does that make to me?”. Brilliant, just brilliant.