Archive for the ‘breaking news’ Category

Web Curios

posted by Matt Muir

HASTY EDIT – I published this and then realised that this was the 18th Web Curios. Web Curios is now of legal drinking age; should any of you fancy buying Web Curios a bottle of whisky (or meths of suitable vintage), please feel free. Thanks.

Another week down, another 7 days spent at work feeling like Sisyphus (if you’d prefer a visual representation of this, you can’t go wrong by clicking here). Yet again, it might be argued that I shouldn’t be writing this and should instead be knuckling down to some HARD GRAFT (for which phrase Google Images suggests this – proof positive that people who spend time on the internet have NO CONCEPT of what work actually means); those who hold that opinion, though, are ignoring the JOY that Web Curios brings to literally tens of webmongs across Soho. I am performing a public service, big bossman Richard Miller. Frankly I should be subsidised by the state – after all, there’s some extra cash knocking about these days.

Having said that, this is going to be the last Web Curios for a while as next Thursday I am going on HOLIDAY. Yes, I know that I have tried that before this year and failed spectacularly, but this time nothing can go wrong. I’m only going to Italy, for God’s sake *prays, fervently*. Before I embark upon my Roman holiday, though, have some things – oh, and for those of a sensitive disposition, please be assured that nothing in this week’s selection comes anywhere near to the creepiness of last week’s stuff. Which is a shame, frankly (there was a video of a Satanic mass, but I’m not quite sure how far I can test my employers’ patience at the moment). Enjoy, or don’t, but whatever you do DON’T HAVE NIGHTMARES.

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Web Curios

posted by Matt Muir

I was sick last week. Not actually physically sick (not in the Exorcist way, at least), but certainly ill. It sucked (another word that I’ve just discovered should not be combined with a Google search with the safe settings turned off), and was also a real shame as there were some proper internet gems which I was ITCHING to write about for your pleasure. I didn’t, though – instead I sat on the couch and felt sorry for myself and played Limbo, which is brilliant.

This probably doesn’t need to be reiterated, but Toy Story 3 is also brilliant. In the unlikely event that anyone from the American Department of Homeland Security is reading this (and given that this is now the second time I’ve linked to that website, there’s every possibility that they are WATCHING MY EVERY MOVE), then here’s a tip; leave off using music to break prisoners at Guantanamo, and instead commission Pixar to create a tearjerking animated short designed to persuade those pesky terrormongers of the error of their ways. You can have that for free.

There’s a whole raft of stuff to get through this week, some of it even quite good, so I’m not going to bother writing any more of this bit as I know noone really reads it anyway.

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Web Curios

posted by Matt Muir

The increasingly irregular Web Curios returns after a week’s absence – in the unlikely event any of you are upset at the sporadic nature of these posts, feel free to contact Hill & Knowlton and tell them to stop giving me so much real work to do. Alternatively, why not donate to the “Let’s Ensure Matt Never Has To Work Again” fund? Every penny counts, kids!

So, The Octopus has spoken and Spain are going to win the World Cup on Sunday. This will make the purists happy, and will probably come as a massive relief to this woman (and a massive blow – *ahem* – to 86,000 (at the time of writing) men). The most shocking thing I’ve seen at this World Cup, though, is this team-by-team ranking of the best-looking footballers at the tournament – Cristiano Ronaldo as Portugal’s most attractive player? REALLY? Women and homosexuals of the world, I am disappointed in you. You think this mahogany narcissist is attractive? WHAT’S WRONG WITH SKINNY, PASTY WEBMONGS, YOU FREAKS???

*Composes self*

But! There is more to the world than football, hard as it may be to believe. There is a gun-toting killer on the loose, we are in the middle of a TROPICAL HEATWAVE – it’s like the Summer of Sam (it’s not like the Summer of Sam). There’s been loads of stuff on the internet, too, which is convenient as otherwise I’d have to pad out the rest of this blog with my inane witterings – thanks, internet!

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Web Curios

posted by Matt Muir

I was away.  Now I am back. Try and contain your joy (I know it’s hard, but for Christ’s sakes show some backbone, will you?).

So when we last spoke I was about to go on holiday here – unfortunately, I ended up somewhere that looks a lot more like here. It all went to tits, webmongs, and frankly it’s still a bit raw and painful. Suffice it to say that I will not be buying the US Department of Homeland Security a Christmas card this year.

But! It wasn’t all bad! The World Cup started! And then finished again yesterday, as far as I’m concerned (my own personal message to the Italian team can be seen here, should you care to look). Deutschland uber alles for Sunday, by the way. Even better, Big Brother started again! Eh? Oh. Look, I’m not ashamed – until they finally do that televised version of the Stanford Prison Experiment here in the UK, it’s the only place i can get my fix of legitimised pychological torture. And this year it features a man with no legs and only one eye, who frankly cannot fail to win. You don’t vote out the mutilated squaddie – put the house on him to come first (NB – Web Curios accepts no responsibility for houses lost as a result of gambling) The weather’s nice, that self-indulgent tool won’t be ruining Glastonbury, and a Brit’s in with a chance at Wimbledon! Calloo, callay, o frabjous day, etc etc.

Oh, who am I trying to kid? I totally failed to go on holiday and spent a week slumped in front of the (really, really mediocre) football, dulling my frontal lobes with drink and drugs in an attempt to numb the pain as big salty tears trickled down my cheeks. England could well jam their way to winning the World Cup, forcing me to emigrate. The weather may be nice, but I’m a wageslave officemonkey who’s chained to his desk for hours at a time so I can’t enjoy it. And I’m obviously not at Glastonbury. Modern Life Is Rubbish, and so is the blog this week. Suck it up.

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Web Curios

posted by Matt Muir

Webmongs, I won’t lie to you – I am having what fat, sweaty policemen from 1970s detective shows would legitimately refer to as ‘a rough one’ (quite possibly whilst mopping their sweaty forehead with a gingham handkerchief – repeated attempts to find an image to accompany this phrase have proved fruitless, but I can now safely say that I do not recommend Googling “fat sweaty police chief” with Safe Search turned off).

Despite this, my dedication to bringing you the very best some stuff I found online this week continues unwavering. Not least because this post marks the 10th anniversary of this (in)glorious experiment in exactly how much rubbish one can get away with churning out in the name of ‘work’. That’s right – you’ve now had 10 weeks of this crap. It probably feels like longer.

To celebrate this momentous milestone, I would like to run a competition. That’s right, YOU CAN WIN A PRIZE. Just leave a comment at the bottom of this post, telling me something interesting. The person who posts the thing which I like best will win…a book. One of my books, to be precise (I’ll try and make an appropriate choice depending on who it is). I might even throw in some other stuff too, depending on what I’ve got knocking around at home.

I’ve just reread that – effectively what I’m offering you is a random choice of second-hand novel and possibly some other miscellaneous, used tat. This is a rubbish competition. Sorry.To make up for this, here’s some links and words:

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Web Curios

posted by Matt Muir

It’s hard to know where to start this week. THERE HAS SIMPLY BEEN SO MUCH HAPPENING. Frankly, though, it probably doesn’t matter what I write here (yes, I know that it never matters, but indulge me) given the fact that The Rapture is almost certainly nearly upon us. Look at the evidence – volcanoes, strange lights in the sky, Nick ‘Casanova’ Clegg now a shoo-in at No.10 after proving himself the least robotic and inhuman of our three potential leaders on TV last night…the end times are coming. Frankly it’s only a matter of moments before the skies are filled with smug Christians all laughing and pointing as they are raised up to heaven to watch the rest of us boil in fiery eternal torment (obviously there is NOTHING remotely un-Christian about this image). With that in mind we might as well enjoy our last moments, and what better way to do that than to waste the final precious minutes of life remaining to us by staring catatonically at a computer screen and ‘enjoying’ this week’s roundup of ephemeral rubbish that couldn’t be any less consequential? But before we get started, an amazing photo of a volcano (no, not this one) from the most amazing man on Twitter, @Astro_Soichi:

Two lakes inside a volcano, taken from space. Yes, SPACE.

Two lakes inside a volcano, taken from space. Yes, SPACE.

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Clegg wins the debate….what else has he won?

 

What are we agreed on after the first full week of the 2010 election campaign?

Well the biggest event of the week was the leaders’ debate and almost everyone agrees that the LibDems’ Nick Clegg won. The manifestoes, so far, have only dominated one news cycle rather than set the agenda. And the Tories are still ahead – but not decisively – in the polls.

 

What we don’t know, and the plethora of polls don’t yet help us on this, is what link there will turn out to be between the debates and how people vote. And we won’t know that until May 7. But…….

 

Yes, Nick Clegg was the best performer. That doesn’t mean the country is going to turn LibDem but it will put doubt in the minds of some who were tending to Labour or the Conservatives.

 

Up until the debate, it appeared that this was a contest between a leader the country seems tired of in Gordon Brown, and one they are not truly convinced by in David Cameron. Clegg’s performance as a peer of the two in the debate underlined to voters that there is an alternative.

 

But how will the next two debates shape up?

 

This is not Gordon Brown’s natural forum. He had a shaky start to the debate talking too much about what he had done, rather than bonding with the voters and talking about us. He became much stronger as the debate went on, agreeing with the popular Clegg and battering Cameron on detail.

 

Brown is unlikely to make a connection with the public in this forum but he did show he was capable of winning respect. That will be his aim in the next debate.

 

For Cameron the debate was not a crisis but he lost most. After a very good beginning, he allowed himself to be swept away by the combination of Clegg’s charm and Brown’s detail. He sounded like a leader of the opposition having a pop at the government rather than having a programme for government of his own or a vision of Tory Britain.

 

He now needs to win the second debate.

 

Brown will have to start earlier – yes he has stamina the others cannot match but doing your best in the last half hour could well be when swing voters have turned off.

 

Clegg needs more of the same and not to be rattled by the increased attacks he is bound to attract.

 

But the pressure is on Cameron. He needs to be combative without losing his cool. He needs to look confident not cocky. He needs to come across as prime ministerial.

 

Cameron’s tone of optimism at the Tory manifesto launch was spot on. He wilted somewhat in the debates.

The other interesting point in the week which links with the debates but got less coverage, was the Daily Telegraph’s poll in the marginals. It should a healthy Tory lead over Labour in most of them.

 

But crucially, it showed that the LibDems are still ahead in LibDem/Tory marginals. Clegg’s performance must surely strengthen that position.

 

Cameron’s fear is that he gets into the predicament of Hillary Clinton in the race for the Democratic nomination. Her victory seemed inevitable for months. But as soon as it was rattled by Obama, as soon as there was a doubt, that sense of inevitability quickly disappeared and the momentum shifted remarkably quickly.

 

David Cameron in Number Ten has looked like an inevitability for some time now. There is a question mark after the debates. He needs to regain the momentum either before the debate, or in it and make sure he keeps it.

 

This doesn’t look like an election Labour can win. But there are the first real signs that a Labour LibDem coalition might just be a possibility.

 

The polls are going to look very odd over the next few days. The question is where they will settle and we won’t know that for weeks.

 

Short campaigns don’t usually change election results. But then we have never had leaders’ debates before.

 

Could this be a different sort of campaign? It already is.

 

What we do know now is that this campaign will have many more twists and turns – at least in the two debates to come.

 

With this degree of uncertainty conclusions have a limited shelf life, sometimes as short as a news cycle. But at this point a hung parliament has moved from being a statistician’s guess, to a political possibility.

 

 

 

 

The Conservative Manifesto

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The Conservative Manifesto is a monster, four times longer than the 2005 edition and more than a match for Labour’s own lengthy Manifesto. This tells us first and foremost that David Cameron still does not believe that he has conclusively dealt with the accusation that the Conservative Party is heavy on presentation, light on substance. Today’s Manifesto is a concerted effort to establish that his party has a carefully prepared programme for Government.

However, in many ways the detail is less important than the main themes: that the Conservatives are the party of change and offer a fundamentally different political philosophy from the Labour Party.

First, change. One opinion poll that has barely fluctuated in recent months is people’s reaction to the question: ‘Do you want five more years of Gordon Brown?’ This is one of the Conservatives’ main trump cards coming into the election but it has been neutralised, at least in part, but the public reaction to the expenses scandal. The public don’t like Gordon Brown very much, but then they don’t like any politician very much. Everyone has been tarnished. This always made it unlikely that the Conservatives could win a landslide victory as Tony Blair did in 1997 when he successfully presented himself as the change candidate sweeping away a corrupt and discredited administration. That would never wash this time.

Despite that, the country does want change and the Conservative Manifesto certainly tries to offer it. Indeed, the first three of the five main sections start with the word “change” (“Change the Economy”, “Change Society” and “Change Politics”).

The fourth section, “Protect the environment” is also interesting, for a slightly different reason. David Cameron is still not confident that he has yet convinced enough of the British public that he has changed his party – that he has finished the process of ‘decontaminating’ the Conservative brand. In January, an opinion poll conducted by the Conservativehome website amongst 144 Conservative candidates fighting winnable seats were asked to rate 19 policies by order of importance. “Reducing Britain’s carbon footprint” came last. By placing the environment alongside the economy, social policy and security, the Manifesto is a rebuttal of the accusation that the party’s stated commitment to environmental issues is just more spin.

Second, political philosophy. The most important message that comes through loud and clear from the Manifesto is that the Conservatives favour ‘small state’ rather than a ‘big state’ solutions. David Cameron is famously uncomfortable with the concept of ‘Cameronism’, but if you had to pin ‘Cameronism’ down to one idea, this would be it. The autumn conference was awash with posters stating that “There is such a thing as society; it’s just not the same as the State.” It was also at the heart of the leader’s speech. This was no coincidence, and it remains the core Conservative philosophy that has been carried into the Manifesto. As the Manifesto states: “In a simple phrase, the change we offer is from big government to Big Society.” The Manifesto’s title, “Invitation to join the government of Britain” makes the same point: this is a Manifesto that calls for the empowerment of the individual rather than state control.

Importantly, this focus on individual empowerment has allowed the Conservatives to launch their Manifesto by emphasising positive messages rather than negative, and with a sense of hope. They have been accused in recent weeks of fighting a campaign focused on the Government and, specifically, the personality of Gordon Brown. As a result, it was instructive that David Cameron opened his speech this morning with these words: “Manifestos, policies, acts of Parliament – all these things are powerful but not as powerful as acts of people. We can deal with our debts. We can mend our broken society. We can restore faith in our shattered political system. But only if millions of people are fired up and inspired to play a part in the nation’s future. The manifesto we’re publishing today is a plan to change Britain for the better.” The central lesson of President Obama’s election victory – the power of a positive, hope-filled campaign – has been taken on board.

Labour’s Manifesto went a different way, arguing for the central role of state intervention. This reflected Gordon Brown’s own convictions, and his pride at stepping in decisively in the wake of the banking crisis. Likewise, the Conservative Manifesto reflects David Cameron’s personal convictions.

As well as emphasising the key dividing line between Labour and the Conservatives, this has ensured that the election campaign has come down to the personalities of the two main leaders. The TV debates, starting on Thursday, have become more important than ever.

Web Curios

posted by Matt Muir

Do you remember when you were at school and you would come in on a Monday after a haircut dreading the inevitable pisstaking from your classmates? I’ve been reminded of that this week. Anyone would think I had come into work having sprouted horns (not entirely unreasonable; remind me to tell you the story of when I sold my soul to Satan in exchange for good exam results one day), but no, all it is is that I now have short hair. For those of you who don’t know me, I now look like this:

Me, with a friend, yesterday

Me, with a friend, yesterday

Whereas before I looked more like this:

Yahoo Serious. Younger readers will have no idea who this is. FIE ON YOU, YOUNGER READERS.

Yahoo Serious. Younger readers will have no idea who this is. FIE ON YOU, YOUNGER READERS.

Anyway, enough of this crap. On with the web-related crap instead.

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Why the Tories’ double digit lead has now become two fingers to politics.

Why are the polls narrowing? Well, we can rule out one thing. They are not narrowing because Labour is suddenly enjoying a surge in support. They are rattling around between a base of around 30 and a glass ceiling at 33 per cent of the vote.

But Tory support looks to be ebbing away faster than Stephen Byer’s career prospects. Rarely reaching to the mid-forties even when things were going for the Tories, the forty barrier seems re-erected and mid to high thirties is becoming the norm.

What has gone wrong for David Cameron when the Government still looks accident prone, economic pain endures and the image of politics continues to sink into a gutter that seems to have no bottom?

Cameron’s leadership started with him successfully winning something his three closest predecessors never had – permission to be heard.

We can debate how far he actually has reformed the Conservative Party, but riding with huskies, talking about the politics of happiness and complaining about chocolate being sold at check-outs did seem to make him look different enough to give him permission to speak and the public listened. Now they seem to have their fingers in their ears.

Yes, there has long been the suspicion that Cameron has failed to ’seal the deal’ with voters. His vision of what a Tory Britain would look like is still not very clear. But is that enough to becalm the powerful forces of ‘time for change’ which seemed to have been unleashed?

I don’t think Cameron’s stutter has been caused by any dramatic startegic move by Labour – nor indeed any major blunder by him.

It’s the failings of his class which cause the problem – and that is nothing to do with where he went to school or how posh he is.

The fall of the political class, from Cameron to Dennis Skinner, William Hague to Harriet Harman has removed his ‘permission to be heard’ as it has removed it from almost every frontbench mouthpiece on all sides. Why, even the blessèd Vince Cable seems to be doubted these days.

The expenses scandal has turned into a dripping roast of sleaze, which drip, drip, drip erodes the credibility of all politicians.

There is little sign that the public are warming to Gordon Brown. But there are signs they have come to terms with him and many have decided they can put up with him. That is why allegations about his violent temper made no impression. Gaffes and blunders don’t seem to matter. Public expectations of politicians are not high.

The PM himself has grasped this. In a recent speech he said that with him, for good or ill, what you see is what you get. He is not pretending to be perfect, or better than anyone else any more – just effective.

In a sense, if the public think politicians live in a sty, you might as well ‘oink’.

Cameron seems to be denting his own authenticity by trying to do what ‘forces of change’ are supposed to – look different from the politics they are trying to replace.

But when MPs have fiddled their expenses, go on foreign holidays to exotic locations paid for by foreign governments and flog themselves for five grand a day to the highest bidder, it is difficult to sound credible when a politician claims to be different.

He compounds this when Cameron tries to make sleaze a party political differentiator, as Blair did in 1997. In the current climate it just confirms he is a politician like the rest of them.

The background noise from the decline of politics has drowned out Cameron’s ‘permission to be heard’. The public don’t buy moral compasses any more. Playing the virgin in the brothel doesn’t work anymore.

Maybe just saying you can run the brothel better is the way to win an election when the public seems to want everyone to lose.

No double digit leads any more. Just two fingers from a public returning the contempt to politicians, which those politicians showed to the public in every expense claim they signed.

It might have worked in ‘97. But in today’s Britain, the only change people believe in, comes from a fiver, NOT a politician.