Hill+Knowlton Strategies

Phew. Three weeks since I last did one of these, and my word has there been a lot going on. Bankers have shut down a church (well, you know, indirectly)! The Sun gave us possibly the most tasteless frontpage in years! One of the most appalling hatecrimes of the (admittedly newish) decade was committed to little or no mainstream media fanfare! France and Germany mocked Italy’s sexually incontinent Premier! The filthy rich just keep on getting richer! And loads more besides, much of it even more dispiriting than those few links I’ve just shared.

Ignoring the fact that world is going to hell in the proverbial handcart, though, I’ve actually had rather a lot of fun (because that is obviously the MOST IMPORTANT THING). I’ve seen comedy; I’ve been to an awesome gig;I’ve been to the theatre and seen probably the most harrowing play I’ve ever seen, ever (actually, make that the second-most harrowing - this was probably worse); I’ve eaten some truly tremendous food; and I got to see a truly tremendous rapper live in a tiny venue. So, you know, I’m alright. Are you alright? I’m starting to worry.

Anyway, enough of this. Make yourself a cup of tea, settle down in a suitably confortable chair, and imagine my soothing, dulcet tones reading this out to you (and, if you like, imagine my malcoordinated body acting out every single video too. You pervert). You may want to get some biscuits too; this could take a while.

Image courtesy of Neutron, LLC

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The pretence that this blog is a weekly thing really has to stop. One month since the last one, fact fans. I’ve had THINGS TO DO. Not least going to Brussels and Croatia, where I went on holiday and did NOTHING other than read and swim and be horizontal. It was awesome, and as a result I now look less like this and more like this. No really, I do.

BUT that was then and this is now; I have returned to a world in which the internet spends all its time railing against the evil of corporations and then…er…goes incontinent with grief over the passing of the head of one of the world’s largest corporations; in which Silvio manages to somehow become even more ridiculous and offensive;  and a world in which somehow one of the members of 1980s pop combo Hue & Cry has become a consultant on games, play and ludic theory. We live in interesting times. Here are some totally insignificant bits of online ephemera to help distract you from what appears to be the total meltdown of civilisation which is going on all around us. Christ, I sound like an old man.

Socially responsible graffiti on a Croatian beach hut

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We are a nation in mourning. We have been denied our RIGHT by the cheating foreigners. Or, as the more level-headed amongst us migh be thinking, we’ve been spared seven years of small-island jingoism and casual racism, dredging up the ashes of empire in unseemly and ugly fashion. Whichever side of that particular fence you fall on (clue: if it’s the wrong side, sling your hook; we don’t need your sort ’round here), the fact remains that football’s not coming home; it’s going to hang out with Roman and the oil barons instead. Don’t worry, though; they’re both fantastic countries with unimpeachable records on human rights! Eh? Oh.

Leaving aside frivolous sporting matters for a moment, it has once again been a BIG WEEK. Everyone’s favourite agent provocateur Julian Assange has been disclosing secrets left right and centre – and noone can complain, because it’s ‘in the public interest’! (this is my new favourite statement, largely because ‘the public’ is such a large, amorphous entity that almost anything can be considered to be, to some degree, in its interest. Basically meaning that anything is, to an extent, permissable. Thanks, Julian, for ushering in a new era of libertarianism). Top Tip for 2011, though – get Julian on your Dead Pool, quick smart.

Elsewhere, the festive season is upon us and so are the advertising campaigns – this video, for example, by La Senza (and I challenge any man reading this to watch that and not feel a bit…well…grubby. I promise; it’s impossible). Web Curios would, however, like to suggest that maybe this year, given how utterly banjaxed everything is, you potentially consider a different approach and perhaps use your monies differently. Or, you know, go ahead and buy that scented candle set that we both know will stay in its packaging in the guest bedroom for evermore. Your call. Of course, if you want to buy me a present then feel free.

(sometimes I think I’m in the wrong industry, you know).

Anyway, enough of this. OTHER STUFF has been happening – INTERNET STUFF (seamless segue, I think you’ll agree). But before we turn our attention to INTERNET STUFF, a picture!

It's Christmas Party Season!!!!

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The problem with leaving two weeks between Web Curios, webmongs, is that I completely forget what’s happened in the world since the last one, leaving me rather shy of material for the (admittedly second-rate) opening paragraphs. I know, for example, that this week’s been particularly good for The Man (you don’t want to know why I am so aware of that, trust me), that a very rich, very stupid man was going to leave his job and then decided not to and that this inexplicably dominated the news agenda for 72 hours, that we are effectively going to have a really, really unpleasant decade (it’s true – even The Man Who Knows Gordon Best said so), and that Mexico is probably the most frightening country on earth right now (don’t click on those words unless you have a strong stomach – some very, very graphic photojournalism that way lies). Oh, and the entire nation appears to be gripped, once again, by a second-rate karaoke show and what appears to be a showcase of the very worst human beings on the planet (in fairness, though, my esteemed colleague Dave is doing a rather nice episode-by-episode blog of that).

[A brief aside - can someone explain to me, please, what the appeal of the X-Factor is? I am genuinely baffled as to why millions of people seem to find entertainment in watching music that was mediocre to start with being sung appreciably less well by people with less talent than the original artists, many of whom have fairly obvious and somewhat troubling personality disorders, on a set that looks as though it was designed by the same people who designed the wrappers for Quality Street chocolates, presided over by a group of people who, as a result of consistent public attention and adulation, are now of the mistaken belief that what they do matters and should be the subject of public debate, all in order to basically inflate the already gargantuan income of a man who's almost singlehandedly responsible for everything that is wrong with the last decade of this country's musical output? (I wonder if he and The Man are friends?) WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU ALL ARE YOU ALL IDIOTS WHY CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT I AM RIGHT AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH. Feel free to respond in the comments if you have any arguments that might persuade me that the IQ of the majority of the UK population is in double rather than treble figures, and that that is borne out by the its televisual habits]

*Ahem*

Of course, though, that all pales into insignificance compared to stuff that people have done on the internet. Here is some of it.

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It’s been said before, Webmongs, but work really is like being at school. I turned up to the daily grind on Wednesday having run out of hairwax (regular readers will recall Web Curios’ previous unsuccessful attempts to solicit brand gifts of icecream, whisky and meths – in case anyone from Toni & Guy is reading this, I favour Label M products, fyi), and as a result looking more like this than my usual Shockheaded Peter ’style’. Anyone would think that I had turned up casually wearing the carcass of a recently butchered child as an overcoat, such was the horror that greeted me; so much so that my adorable colleagues in the CPG team felt compelled to force some hair product on me and make me wear it. Thanks, girls: way to boost a social inadequate’s self esteem!

Obviously this INCREDIBLE STORY pales into insignificance before the (real, no cynicism) incredible tale of those blokes in the mine. You can read about it elsewhere, and doubtless you already have, but my favourite thing about the remarkable tale (aside from the number of conversations I’ve had where people have speculated as to how friendly they will have become with each other during those long, lonely hours in the dark – there really is no link I can put in there that won’t offend someone, sadly) was the joyful email we here at H&K towers received from a Chilean colleague, which finished with the beautiful, sweary exclamation of joy “VAMOS CHILE MIERDA!!”. You’ve got to love a country where the accepted exclamation of national pride contains a swear.

What else? Oh, there was another ’social media crisis’, which is funny as THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A SOCIAL MEDIA CRISIS. I went to Bahrain, which is a very weird place – not least this very swanky Japanese restaurant which looks like that place in Kill Bill where Uma Thurman neatly eviscerates 100 or so people, despite being IN THE MIDDLE OF A DESERT. Strange, strange place. I also discovered that Absolut are now selling vodka in a gold bottle, called ‘Absolut Bling Bling’ – well done, Western world, that’s a whole new nadir of taste! Pat yourselves on the back – you awful, pathetic creatures.

Ahem. Anyway, links.

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It’s not often I see something on Facebook, Twitter or some other social networking site that I feel compelled to blog about.  But I write this as a forty year old and it made me think about what advice I would give.  Most is in fact covered off in the 340+ comments on the Coolhunters Facebook page. Just scroll down to the comment:  For those who are 30+, What advice would you give to your 20-year-old self? and read some of the comments… now standing at 350 comments and rising!  Reading the many responses made me laugh as I had heard them before in when I was in my 20’s and I thought, bah! I have loads of time before I have to worry about all that!  The rat race that we call the life we are living can be fraught with many worries and diversions but all of us have a duty to enjoy the time we have here be us 20+, 30+ or 40+… and more!  Be that simply looking up (instead of down at your feet) as you walk along to work. Smile and say good morning to someone you don’t know… and always tell the people around that you love that you do, because one day that opportunity might not be there.  Or maybe just something as simple as breaking a habit and doing something today that you have thought about but never got around to doing. Read the rest of this entry »

HASTY EDIT – I published this and then realised that this was the 18th Web Curios. Web Curios is now of legal drinking age; should any of you fancy buying Web Curios a bottle of whisky (or meths of suitable vintage), please feel free. Thanks.

Another week down, another 7 days spent at work feeling like Sisyphus (if you’d prefer a visual representation of this, you can’t go wrong by clicking here). Yet again, it might be argued that I shouldn’t be writing this and should instead be knuckling down to some HARD GRAFT (for which phrase Google Images suggests this – proof positive that people who spend time on the internet have NO CONCEPT of what work actually means); those who hold that opinion, though, are ignoring the JOY that Web Curios brings to literally tens of webmongs across Soho. I am performing a public service, big bossman Richard Miller. Frankly I should be subsidised by the state – after all, there’s some extra cash knocking about these days.

Having said that, this is going to be the last Web Curios for a while as next Thursday I am going on HOLIDAY. Yes, I know that I have tried that before this year and failed spectacularly, but this time nothing can go wrong. I’m only going to Italy, for God’s sake *prays, fervently*. Before I embark upon my Roman holiday, though, have some things – oh, and for those of a sensitive disposition, please be assured that nothing in this week’s selection comes anywhere near to the creepiness of last week’s stuff. Which is a shame, frankly (there was a video of a Satanic mass, but I’m not quite sure how far I can test my employers’ patience at the moment). Enjoy, or don’t, but whatever you do DON’T HAVE NIGHTMARES.

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Things are looking bleak. As the Government continues to predict that it will become ‘the greenest ever’, it is increasingly realising that – as Liam Byrne so eloquently put it – ‘there is no money left’.

Yesterday afternoon the Committee on Climate Change (CCC) released details of a new report that claims the UK risks failure in its quest to pioneer a low-carbon future unless it takes measures to protect and increase spending.  Low-carbon initiatives, it said, must continue to get Government support or risk falling into the ‘valley of death’ where they never reach the market.

The timing of both announcements is sure to grate on Chris Huhne and co, who, just last week took steps to cut £34m from the country’s low-carbon technology programme. Difficult questions are sure to be asked.

But this perceived ‘lack’ of investment is nothing new. The CCC claim that Britain already lags behind other developed nations in terms of the proportion of GDP spent on projects to help the country meet its carbon-reduction targets. While Japan invests 0.9% of GDP for example, Britain invests just 0.1%.

Last week I visited the Sustainable Futures exhibition at London Design Museum and witnessed first hand the role innovation and creative thinking has to play in developing the next generation of green technology.

Focussing on using local, natural resources to create and maintain a low-carbon footprint, designs range from those focussing on large communities – such as city developments in Abu Dhabi and Brazil – to ideas that help you monitor your own carbon footprint (Carbon Ration Book anyone?).

(My personal favourites include the ‘Virtual Water Footprint’ and ‘Changing Habbits’ initiatives – worth checking out)

Notably, designs from the UK were in relatively short supply. Those that did begin life in British brains remain pretty much unknown – coincidence? Perhaps. But surely this is a chance we can no longer afford to take.

As Buckminster Fuller once said, ‘the best way to predict the future is to design it’. Britain’s green future rests on giving those with innovative solutions the tools they need to make them fly. Only time will tell whether the Government’s recent cuts will damage its chances of developing a sustainable future for the UK.