Hill+Knowlton Strategies

I’m not as angry as I was last week. This is all relative, of course; I am still full of (entirely justified) rage at the industry in which I work; the sort of impotent rage that will achieve nothing other than slightly raised blood pressure and the heightened probability of an aneurysm before the age of 50. This week the rage has been mostly caused by people’s seemingly unthinking insistence on using the words ‘influencer’ (NB – note to readers: If you are ever being presented to and someone uses that image in a presentation, you have EVERY RIGHT to spit in their face and call them a clueless shyster. No really, you do) and ‘engagement’ in completely arbitrary fashion. CAN YOU DEFINE THE TERMS YOU ARE USING? OH NO, THAT’S RIGHT, YOU CAN’T, BECAUSE YOU ARE JUST THROWING THEM INTO YOUR SENTENCES LIKE THE BUZZWORDS DU JOUR THAT THEY FUNDAMENTALLY ARE.

*Ahem*

Look, I know that there’s nothing wrong with the words ‘influencer’ and ‘engagement’ per se; I just get really, really upset when they are used so casually. If you can’t define what an ‘influencer’ is with any degree of credibility (and here’s the rub – in terms of the online world people really struggle, which is why Klout and Tweetlevel are ultimately pointless, masturbatory exercises (at the moment, at least)), then don’t use the term; if by ‘engagement’ you mean ‘talking to people’ then just say ‘talking to people’ and bask in the knowledge that people won’t think you’re anywhere near as much of a social media tool.

Christ alive, I was calm before I started writing this and now I am all het up and unnecessary. I am going to take a moment to attain the state of zenlike calm that I normally bask in when writing Web Curios – join me in contemplation of this beautiful image, and we’ll continue after the jump.

Fill in the blanks yourself. It doesn't get any less disturbing.

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We are a nation in mourning. We have been denied our RIGHT by the cheating foreigners. Or, as the more level-headed amongst us migh be thinking, we’ve been spared seven years of small-island jingoism and casual racism, dredging up the ashes of empire in unseemly and ugly fashion. Whichever side of that particular fence you fall on (clue: if it’s the wrong side, sling your hook; we don’t need your sort ’round here), the fact remains that football’s not coming home; it’s going to hang out with Roman and the oil barons instead. Don’t worry, though; they’re both fantastic countries with unimpeachable records on human rights! Eh? Oh.

Leaving aside frivolous sporting matters for a moment, it has once again been a BIG WEEK. Everyone’s favourite agent provocateur Julian Assange has been disclosing secrets left right and centre – and noone can complain, because it’s ‘in the public interest’! (this is my new favourite statement, largely because ‘the public’ is such a large, amorphous entity that almost anything can be considered to be, to some degree, in its interest. Basically meaning that anything is, to an extent, permissable. Thanks, Julian, for ushering in a new era of libertarianism). Top Tip for 2011, though – get Julian on your Dead Pool, quick smart.

Elsewhere, the festive season is upon us and so are the advertising campaigns – this video, for example, by La Senza (and I challenge any man reading this to watch that and not feel a bit…well…grubby. I promise; it’s impossible). Web Curios would, however, like to suggest that maybe this year, given how utterly banjaxed everything is, you potentially consider a different approach and perhaps use your monies differently. Or, you know, go ahead and buy that scented candle set that we both know will stay in its packaging in the guest bedroom for evermore. Your call. Of course, if you want to buy me a present then feel free.

(sometimes I think I’m in the wrong industry, you know).

Anyway, enough of this. OTHER STUFF has been happening – INTERNET STUFF (seamless segue, I think you’ll agree). But before we turn our attention to INTERNET STUFF, a picture!

It's Christmas Party Season!!!!

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Hi, as part of the foodie contingent of the H&K blogging bunch I’ll be talking trends, new products and general impressive campaigns in the food & drink industry.

So without further ado, Pot Noodle have launched a “Christmas Flavour” which claims to be a fusion of turkey and stuffing and general Christmas merriment all wrapped in a festive plastic pot.

Although the initial instinct is that there can be nothing less festive than a pot noodle, it begs to differ that the mere intrigue of such a flavour will generate sales on its own. Which spurned me to look at the other unique Food & Drink brands who have jumped on the weird and obscure flavour concoctions to generate not only press coverage but sales too. Here’s my top five controversial flavour combos;

1)      Marmite cheese
Not two things you would consider going together but surprisingly this blend of mature cheddar and yeast extract is actually quite a worthy addition to the fridge. The cheese bites were then followed by rice cakes, bread sticks and finally, pushing it over the edge…chocolate. PR Genius or taking creativity too far? I’m still undecided but the cheesy bites are pretty damn good.

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There was something of an outcry yesterday at the news that Royal Mail could be free to put up the price of first class stamps by another 5p, thus continuing the rapid price rises seen in recent years.

Last week it was also reported that profits on post were dangerously low, in large part because the volume of letters continues to drop. Put two and two together and what you have is a company trying to secure its profits as it fights the decline of an ageing industry.

Another industry that faces a similar problem is newspapers – circulations have been declining for years and the trend shows no sign of stopping at national or local level (the Mirror used to regularly sell 2m compared to just 1.1m today for example). At the same time, prices have gone up – the Sunday Times recently hit £2.20, broadsheets are all now £1 etc.

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The problem with leaving two weeks between Web Curios, webmongs, is that I completely forget what’s happened in the world since the last one, leaving me rather shy of material for the (admittedly second-rate) opening paragraphs. I know, for example, that this week’s been particularly good for The Man (you don’t want to know why I am so aware of that, trust me), that a very rich, very stupid man was going to leave his job and then decided not to and that this inexplicably dominated the news agenda for 72 hours, that we are effectively going to have a really, really unpleasant decade (it’s true – even The Man Who Knows Gordon Best said so), and that Mexico is probably the most frightening country on earth right now (don’t click on those words unless you have a strong stomach – some very, very graphic photojournalism that way lies). Oh, and the entire nation appears to be gripped, once again, by a second-rate karaoke show and what appears to be a showcase of the very worst human beings on the planet (in fairness, though, my esteemed colleague Dave is doing a rather nice episode-by-episode blog of that).

[A brief aside - can someone explain to me, please, what the appeal of the X-Factor is? I am genuinely baffled as to why millions of people seem to find entertainment in watching music that was mediocre to start with being sung appreciably less well by people with less talent than the original artists, many of whom have fairly obvious and somewhat troubling personality disorders, on a set that looks as though it was designed by the same people who designed the wrappers for Quality Street chocolates, presided over by a group of people who, as a result of consistent public attention and adulation, are now of the mistaken belief that what they do matters and should be the subject of public debate, all in order to basically inflate the already gargantuan income of a man who's almost singlehandedly responsible for everything that is wrong with the last decade of this country's musical output? (I wonder if he and The Man are friends?) WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU ALL ARE YOU ALL IDIOTS WHY CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT I AM RIGHT AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH. Feel free to respond in the comments if you have any arguments that might persuade me that the IQ of the majority of the UK population is in double rather than treble figures, and that that is borne out by the its televisual habits]

*Ahem*

Of course, though, that all pales into insignificance compared to stuff that people have done on the internet. Here is some of it.

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Every now and then in this business, you are given a project that you know is going to be stimulating, interesting, worrying and challenging all at the same time – and probably also wrapped up in a high stress package.  When a WPP sister company, market research giant TNS, began talking to us just a few weeks ago about a research project, I knew we had one of ‘those’ on our hands.   We knew we had something newsworthy on our hands, but the clock was ticking very, very fast.
 
Last Sunday was binary day (10.10.10) and we launched the project – called Digital Life.  Now, four days later, it looks to have gone rather well.  Digital Life is the largest ever survey into how consumers behave online, covering almost 50,000 interviews in 46 countries.  It includes many of the main developing markets and so gives a fascinating insight into online activities in areas where previously little was known, whilst being able to provide comparisons to mature markets like the US and Europe.  Among a wealth of material, it produced some nice nuggets of news:
•    Malaysians had the largest number of online friends, the Japanese the fewest 
•    Consumers in developing markets were engaging with the internet in a much more three dimensional way than many people in developing markets
•    The internet was now the biggest online news source globally for people with internet access

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HASTY EDIT – I published this and then realised that this was the 18th Web Curios. Web Curios is now of legal drinking age; should any of you fancy buying Web Curios a bottle of whisky (or meths of suitable vintage), please feel free. Thanks.

Another week down, another 7 days spent at work feeling like Sisyphus (if you’d prefer a visual representation of this, you can’t go wrong by clicking here). Yet again, it might be argued that I shouldn’t be writing this and should instead be knuckling down to some HARD GRAFT (for which phrase Google Images suggests this – proof positive that people who spend time on the internet have NO CONCEPT of what work actually means); those who hold that opinion, though, are ignoring the JOY that Web Curios brings to literally tens of webmongs across Soho. I am performing a public service, big bossman Richard Miller. Frankly I should be subsidised by the state – after all, there’s some extra cash knocking about these days.

Having said that, this is going to be the last Web Curios for a while as next Thursday I am going on HOLIDAY. Yes, I know that I have tried that before this year and failed spectacularly, but this time nothing can go wrong. I’m only going to Italy, for God’s sake *prays, fervently*. Before I embark upon my Roman holiday, though, have some things – oh, and for those of a sensitive disposition, please be assured that nothing in this week’s selection comes anywhere near to the creepiness of last week’s stuff. Which is a shame, frankly (there was a video of a Satanic mass, but I’m not quite sure how far I can test my employers’ patience at the moment). Enjoy, or don’t, but whatever you do DON’T HAVE NIGHTMARES.

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I awoke this morning feeling wonderful – the weather was a bit pony, admittedly, but it was FRIDAY and I had 2 days of pseudo-freedom to look forward to before reapplying the shackles of gainful employment. Things were looking good, webmongs…and then I had an 8:30am conference call which pretty much screwed my day entirely. It’s hard to explain its effect without resorting to cheap hyperbole, so I shan’t try; suffice it to say that it was the psychological equivalent of making a series of small but well-placed papercuts between each of my toes and then taking a saline foot-bath; of flaying the skin from my bones and then rolling across the great Salt Lake Desert.

But! It’s not just about me (it is, actually, but let’s pretend). What’s been going on in the world since we last spoke? Oh, loads of stuff. Old Spice did THE BEST THING ON THE INTERNET EVER – or at least that’s what a bunch of generic media idiots think; real people, on the other hand, remained utterly oblivious to the fact that a man with his shirt off was massaging the egos of a host of people on Twitter. They also remained reluctant to purchase the frankly horrifyingly-scented product in question (though a note to all the PR/marketing gurus/ninjas/mavens (*vomits*) who are running around shouting FAIL! – let’s look at figures in a year’s time and then judge the campaign, eh? And frankly I’m sure that the fine folk at W&K will be crying into their vintage Veuve at Cannes this time next year when they’re hoovering cocaine from the tanned midriff s of teenage models whilst clutching multiple Lions of varying hues).

What else? Paul Gascoigne made a late bid for a post on the UN Security counsel as he demonstrated his peacekeeping skills; The Times revealed the IMMENSE SUCCESS of its paywall policy; the Spanish won a fight; lots more people got a Facebook account; and I went to see this man doing stand-up and fell a bit in love with his genius. But! You don’t care about that! In fact, you probably don’t care about what is to follow either, but no matter. On with the LINKS and INFORMATION and STUFF.

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The increasingly irregular Web Curios returns after a week’s absence – in the unlikely event any of you are upset at the sporadic nature of these posts, feel free to contact Hill & Knowlton and tell them to stop giving me so much real work to do. Alternatively, why not donate to the “Let’s Ensure Matt Never Has To Work Again” fund? Every penny counts, kids!

So, The Octopus has spoken and Spain are going to win the World Cup on Sunday. This will make the purists happy, and will probably come as a massive relief to this woman (and a massive blow – *ahem* – to 86,000 (at the time of writing) men). The most shocking thing I’ve seen at this World Cup, though, is this team-by-team ranking of the best-looking footballers at the tournament – Cristiano Ronaldo as Portugal’s most attractive player? REALLY? Women and homosexuals of the world, I am disappointed in you. You think this mahogany narcissist is attractive? WHAT’S WRONG WITH SKINNY, PASTY WEBMONGS, YOU FREAKS???

*Composes self*

But! There is more to the world than football, hard as it may be to believe. There is a gun-toting killer on the loose, we are in the middle of a TROPICAL HEATWAVE – it’s like the Summer of Sam (it’s not like the Summer of Sam). There’s been loads of stuff on the internet, too, which is convenient as otherwise I’d have to pad out the rest of this blog with my inane witterings – thanks, internet!

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The PR Moment website hosted an interesting debate last week on the issue of PR spam – what it is, how much of it is being distributed, why is it a problem and crucially what can be done about it? This isn’t the first time the subject has been raised either, as you may recall from the start of this year.

Joining the chair were Adam Parker from Realwire on one side and James Redgrave from FT magazine, Pensions Week on the other.

Amongst many points discussed over the half hour, one thing became clear – the practice of sending out poorly targeted, sometimes irrelevant material is still happening in some quarters.

Whatever the arguments about what constitutes ’spam’ and what doesn’t, the simple fact is it damages the PR industry’s reputation and generally fails to get results. Other marketing disciplines target their audiences specifically, and many in our industry do too, but clearly resentment resides and that’s an issue that needs to be addressed. Stopping the practice of ’sending it for sending’s sake’ would be a start in this regard.

As you’d expect, the debate was also followed by several journalists and PRs on Twitter, which brings me nicely onto the #delighted campaign running on there at present.

This is currently an in-joke amongst some journalists and PRs regarding the use of the word ‘delighted’ (and other similar efforts) in press releases – for example, Mr Smith said, “I’m delighted to be joining XYZ company today”. To be fair, you can see their point – it’s a bit of an obvious/nothing statement, which doesn’t really add anything to their story.

How do we address both these points? Listening and learning is the obvious place to start – yet another example of how Twitter is a major asset for PRs. But we also can and will go further than this by sharing such knowledge with our clients. Our role is to advise them on how to build good relations with the media. Little snippets like these help them and us to do exactly that, which makes life easier for all concerned.

Perhaps then we really all can be #delighted