I was away. Now I am back. Try and contain your joy (I know it’s hard, but for Christ’s sakes show some backbone, will you?).
So when we last spoke I was about to go on holiday here – unfortunately, I ended up somewhere that looks a lot more like here. It all went to tits, webmongs, and frankly it’s still a bit raw and painful. Suffice it to say that I will not be buying the US Department of Homeland Security a Christmas card this year.
But! It wasn’t all bad! The World Cup started! And then finished again yesterday, as far as I’m concerned (my own personal message to the Italian team can be seen here, should you care to look). Deutschland uber alles for Sunday, by the way. Even better, Big Brother started again! Eh? Oh. Look, I’m not ashamed – until they finally do that televised version of the Stanford Prison Experiment here in the UK, it’s the only place i can get my fix of legitimised pychological torture. And this year it features a man with no legs and only one eye, who frankly cannot fail to win. You don’t vote out the mutilated squaddie – put the house on him to come first (NB – Web Curios accepts no responsibility for houses lost as a result of gambling) The weather’s nice, that self-indulgent tool won’t be ruining Glastonbury, and a Brit’s in with a chance at Wimbledon! Calloo, callay, o frabjous day, etc etc.
Oh, who am I trying to kid? I totally failed to go on holiday and spent a week slumped in front of the (really, really mediocre) football, dulling my frontal lobes with drink and drugs in an attempt to numb the pain as big salty tears trickled down my cheeks. England could well jam their way to winning the World Cup, forcing me to emigrate. The weather may be nice, but I’m a wageslave officemonkey who’s chained to his desk for hours at a time so I can’t enjoy it. And I’m obviously not at Glastonbury. Modern Life Is Rubbish, and so is the blog this week. Suck it up.
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